


I'll find you again in the dark

by Tommykaine



Category: Boyfriend to Death (Visual Novels)
Genre: Alternative Interpretation, Fan Interpretation, I wouldn't suggest to read this unless you've at least completed a few playthroughs, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Maritombola Challenge, Reality Bending, Seriously this is basically Plant Man's Route Spoilers The Fanfic, Spoilers, What-If, unreality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 08:19:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13290861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tommykaine/pseuds/Tommykaine
Summary: "What's my part in the grand design?Will I keep coming backTill I get it right some time?How can I be sure that I see what I see?Everything you say seems so familiar to meI don't recognize the strange name on the doorHave I been here before?"[Eric Martin - Have I Been Here Before]





	I'll find you again in the dark

 

I woke up, still in a daze. I just had the most unsettling, yet oddly peaceful dream. I tried to hold on to it, but it was just slipping from my grasp. I couldn't remember a thing.

I pulled myself up from the table, accidentally, spilling most of the contents of my drink.

_Shit! What a mess!_

I blinked rapidly, grumbling as I pulled myself away from the last tendrils of sleep that fogged up my head, probably aggravated by the rum and coke that was currently forming a puddle underneath my arms.

I grimaced, recovering a napkin from my pocket to blot it from my arms and from the wooden surface, trying to ignore the unpleasant sticky feeling on my skin.

I looked around, hoping to see a bathroom sign so that I could wash that mess off of me – at which point I noticed that I was pretty much alone in the bar.

That startled me enough to shake me awake. Just how long had I been dozing off there?! Was it even open still, or did the owners just close without noticing me? I had picked a fairly isolated spot, after all...

Even if I had gotten out of my room, forcing myself at the last minute to not spend yet another lonely night in there, contemplating my own boredom, in the end I still hadn't been much in the mood for socializing.

I didn't mind it, though. That place had a soothing, almost familiar feeling to it. In fact, I had the weirdest feeling I'd been there before, but that was impossible. I'd never even heard of the place, I just had looked up the local hang-outs on my laptop and picked the one that inspired me the most.

Well, as comforting as it was, I didn't want to overstay my welcome. I had no idea of how late it was, but surely it was time to head back home.

Just as I was getting up to leave, my eyes caught a glimpse of a figure hunched over a drink, in a different corner of the bar. I must have been too distracted to notice before. I didn't really want to bother him – I imagined he had chosen that spot for the same reason I chose mine – but maybe he could tell me how late it was.

“Hey, sorry to bug you... but do you know what time it is?”

“Oh!” he jumped up, surprised. “Uhhh, it's... it's almost closing time. It's 1:45”

_Shit!_

“Wow, it's really late!” I gasped. I _really_ had to get going.

I smiled in gratitude, but he didn't seem to be paying me much attention. It looked like he was preoccupied with something else entirely.

“Haha...uh... yeah...” was the only reply. He looked quite uncomfortable. “I'm just waiting for my... friend.”

Oh. So it turns out, he wasn't really there alone.

_All the more reason to not stick around._

Still... I couldn't bring myself to.

There was just... something about him. Those eyes – he wasn't even looking at me but for some reason, they sent a cold shiver down my spine. Such cold, unyielding eyes.

I thought I recognized that gaze from... _somewhere._

_Do I...know you?_

Before I could even ask, his friend showed up. He was a small, cheerful looking guy, who looked far too young to be hanging out in such a place.

“Alright Lawrence let's -” he piped up, stopping in his tracks as he saw me. Did he recognize me from somewhere? Maybe I really knew these people after all. But I couldn't for the life of me remember what from. Besides, they weren't exactly the most ordinary looking couple. Especially the small one. He either had some weird kind of makeup on his face, or the most unusual birthmarks I had ever seen.

“Ah, there's someone else here?” oh... so I guess no. Well, now I felt stupid.

I flashed a smile that was meant to be friendly and polite but probably ended up just looking awkward. He just seemed panicked.

“Well, my name is Ren. It's nice to meet you” he cheerfully added, staring at me as if he expected me to reciprocate. I somehow suspected that he wasn't actually as enthusiastic as he seemed about our encounter. I had no idea of what sort of situation I had walked in on, but it was clear I shouldn't have intruded.

I should have just excused myself.

And yet...

I looked at the other guy. His blonde hair was tied up in a ponytail, and the slightest shade of a beard was the only hint that betrayed he was probably well into his 20s. There was nothing particularly noteworthy about him, except -

_I have seen those eyes._

“Oh!” I suddenly realized I had been standing there in silence far too long. So much for excusing myself out of the situation. “My name is Hyacinth. It's nice to meet you too!”

“That's a really nice name...”

It was almost a whisper, so soft I'd have thought I just imagined it. Something tugged at the corners of my mind again. I looked at Lawrence's flustered face then at Ren's again.

There was something really weird about this. I felt an irrational sense of dread rising in me, to the point I had to hold back the urge to just dart out of there and make my way back to my place.

I regretted not leaving sooner. Now I couldn't shake away the feeling that I _really_ shouldn't be here.

I kind of wanted to ask them if everything was alright, but didn't. A long awkward moment followed, before Ren proposed to get a last round of drink before closing time.

Well, I figured, that'd be it. One last drink, and then I'd excuse myself. I had all but sobered up by that point, so I might as well go for one last round.

_What's the worst that could happen?_

 

* * *

 

I woke up with a startle, frantically grasping at the closest surface as if my life depended on it. I looked around in confusion. The dimly lit, empty pub was the only sight that greeted me.

I sighed in relief, albeit for what reason, I wasn't even sure.

I felt something wet on my arms, and looked down at the table. My drink had spilled all over.

_Shit, how much have I been drinking?_

Judging by the fact that the place was empty, I must have slept till closing time. It was a wonder I hadn't been kicked out yet. Maybe the owners didn't notice me. I did pick an isolated spot on purpose, after all. Not in much of a mood to socialize, that night.

Still, I was glad I had gone outside for a change. It was a really nice place. Maybe I would come again one of these days. In fact, I had the oddest feeling I _had_ been there before.

Regardless, it was time to leave.

I just was about to do so when I noticed someone else was still there. Huh, so it wasn't closed yet, after all.

I didn't like bothering strangers, but maybe that guy could tell me the time.

I walked up to him.

“Hey, sorry to bug you... but do you know what time it is?”

That took him aback for a second. “Uhhh, it's... it's almost closing time. It's 1:45”

“Wow, it's-”

_really late_

“Haha...uh... yeah...”

I froze on the spot. What was...

“I'm just waiting for my... friend.” he said. I smiled politely, trying to hide my reaction. I didn't know what came upon me. There was just something about the situation... something not right.

It must have been my imagination. I'd better excuse myself.

Except I couldn't. I wanted to, but something kept me from talking.

_Where have I seen you before?_

I didn't know why that thought came into my mind out of nowhere. I'd never met this guy. Did I? He didn't look familiar at all. Except...

I didn't have time to mull over it for long, as his friend joined in soon enough. He didn't seem all that pleased to see me, but he still introduced himself, and I couldn't bring myself to just leave.

Yet, something at the back of my mind kept telling I _should_.

I ignored that voice. How stupid.

There was no harm in staying for another drink. Besides it looked like they weren't meaning to stick around for long either.

I just wished I could stop thinking about where I had seen those eyes before...

 

* * *

 

 

That smell...

A warm, sickly sweet, smell. Faint but persistent, like something rotting and buried in the ground.

_How did it come to this?_

My head ached. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe the punch from before.

I didn't understand. I didn't even know him! One minute we were at the bar, barely talking, and next thing I knew his friend left in a hurry, I was getting back home – and then Lawrence came after me and then... I just, woke up here.

“Where am I!?”

“Ah! You!” he almost seemed as surprised as me to see me there. I looked around in a panic. It seemed like... an apartment? So many plants... maybe that's where the smell came from?

He was talking to me, but I barely listened. I was struggling in place, stuck on a chair. I was restrained! Why did he do that? What did he want from me?

“I... can explain this”

I didn't believe him.

That look in his eyes... I could tell he was... not all there.

I screamed as loud as I could.

Someone had to hear me! Someone had to-

 

 

 

I jolted awake, looking around in panic.

I heard the clink of a glass falling, it sounded like it was miles away. My arms were wet. I looked down.

For a second I thought they were covered in-

Nevermind.

_God, what a mess._

I had to get out of there. How much had I been asleep? No one was even there anymore. I sure hoped I hadn't gotten myself locked in there past closing time.

_What time is it even?_

That guy over there, maybe he'd know. I didn't like bothering strangers but...

I blinked. I just had the weirdest feeling... must have been the sleep. Or the alcohol. God I'm never drinking this much again. If I wanted to have shitty nightmares I could have just stayed at home and rented some horror movie.

Regardless, I'd better go find out what time it was. Maybe he knew where the bathroom was too.

“Hey, sorry to bug you...”

I asked him about the time and I just, kind of froze there. I didn't even hear his answer, and vaguely blurted out some kind of thanks.

_Why is he_

It was almost like... I remembered something like this happening before...

No, that couldn't be. As welcoming as that place was, I was sure I'd never been there before. Still, I couldn't stop staring at him. He didn't even look at me much, but I was just fascinated by his eyes. There was something in them that made me want to know more – yet at the same time, all my instincts were telling me to go.

I brushed it off. Maybe I just have spent so much time on my own that speaking with another human being terrifies me. I did spend the whole night before on my own, as well.

He, on the other hand, hadn't come there alone. His friend Ren soon joined in, and I could tell they weren't expecting a third person there. It's not like I wanted to stay anyway, I'd just get another drink and go. I was nervous enough as it was.

In fact I was so nervous I accidentally picked up Lawrence's drink. Good job, Hyacinth, way to make the situation even more stressful. I tried to play it cool, but it was clear they were taken aback by that. They didn't touch the remaining drinks either, in fact Ren ran off almost immediately, only for Lawrence to chase after him.

_Ah well. It's none of my business._

I'd better be on my way already. What a weird encounter...

 

I was just starting to head home when I felt someone tap my shoulder.

I was already on edge as it was, that made me jump. I really wasn't in the mood for stupid pranks.

I turned around to face whatever idiot thought it was funny so that I could tell him off, but

_Lawrence?_

I stood there, petrified. Something wasn't quite right.

What did he-

 

* * *

 

“M...My Heaad...” I cried

“What's wrong?” asked Lawrence.

He sounded so close, too close, it was like he was speaking directly into my brain, it was hurting me, everything was hurting me!

_W h a t' s w r o n g ?_

_W h A t S w R o N g ?_

“I... Oh God...” I cried out, shaking uncontrollably.

The pain! It was searing into my brain! It was engulfing me! No! Stop!

_MAKE IT STOP!_

“Stop...”

I wanted to scream, but I could barely whisper.

“Y o u s e e m... U n c o m f o r t a b l e.” it was his voice, but it wasn't, it couldn't, it couldn't be any human voice but it was him and he was doing this he was making it hurt he was

_I can't... I can't..._

“STOP” I yelled – I think I did. I couldn't hear it.

I couldn't even hear my own voice above the pain.

_STOP_

_STOP_

_STOP_

_STOP_

_MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT_

“H Y A C I N T H.” his voice, _its_ voice came again “Y o u l o o k l i k e y o u ' v e s e e n s o m e t h i n g a w f u l”

_no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no_

_no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no_

_no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no_

_no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no_

_no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no_

_no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no_

 

 

 

“NO!”

I woke up so abruptly that I nearly fell off my chair, gasping as I instinctively held on to the wooden surface of the table. I could feel the sweat drip onto my arms from my hair. I didn't move. I didn't dare to.

I was still shaking. I didn't know what for.

_I didn't want to know._

I wanted to cry. Thankfully, even if I did it seemed that no one was there to see.

I loosened my grip and brushed my hair out of my forehead. I was drenched in sweat. I didn't even drink, yet I felt like puking.

_Maybe I should have stayed home._

I closed my eyes, forced myself to take in deep breaths as I pressed my hands against my face. I was hyperventilating. The last thing I wanted to do was to faint there and get woken up by the staff, especially in that state. I had to calm down.

_It's ok, it's ok, it was just a dream, it's ok_.

Fuck, I didn't even know what time it was. I had to get back home. I was sure I'd feel better after a shower. Maybe I'd just stay up watching some shit online until next morning. I sure as hell wasn't going to sleep again _now._

I didn't even notice I wasn't alone until I was about to leave. Man, I hope he didn't see any of that.

I kinda wanted to sneak out before he could even notice, to avoid any potential embarassment, but I also wanted to know the time. Maybe I could still catch the last bus. I sure as hell didn't want to be walking around at night if I could avoid it. I couldn't shake the feeling that something-

_S o m e t h i n g a w f u l_

\- was out to get me.

I kinda felt bad about bothering him, but I just wanted to know...

“...what time it is?”

The sudden question seemed to have startled him. He looked at me in shock, and for a split second, our eyes locked, and I had to hold back the irrational urge to scream

_STOP_

How odd.

I could have sworn-

“...It's 1:45”

-I'd seen those eyes before.

“I'm just waiting for...”

_I wonder why._

 

* * *

 

“I... can explain this”

Lawrence was smiling at me, but his eyes

_no_

I knew what was hiding under them.

_no no no no no no_

He leaned in closer, and I knew I knew _I KNEW_

“HELP! HEEEELP! PLEASE! SOMEBODY HEL. _.mmphf!_ ”

“Shh!” he muffled my cries with his hand, his eyes wide open in panic. “I need you to be...quiet.”

_no no no he was touching me HE WAS TOUCHING ME HE WAS_

“Okay?” he let go of my mouth and I inhaled deeply. His eyes narrowed.

“NNHMphh!” I tried to scream, even louder, but he was too quick.

“No... no no no... no...”

His hands were on me again, and I couldn't see it, but I _knew_ , I knew he wasn't human, I knew there was something wrong, I wanted him to STOP TOUCHING ME but I was trapped and his hands, they were too strong.

I could feel my screams dying with me as he choked me. I couldn't breathe.

I didn't care. I could feel myself slipping away. _I knew._

Nothing but strangled cries were leaving my throat as everything went dark around me.

“I... can't...” I barely heard him say. I grinned triumphantly against his palm.

_I know._

He wasn't going to come with me.

Not where I was going.

“You have to be quiet... quiet...”

Oh God please, please let it be the quiet. The endless silence. That peaceful feeling. Please.

My body kept struggling, almost on its own, and the primal part of my brain wanted him to let go, but he never did.

It was ok.

_I knew._

 

* * *

 

The first thing I was greeted by upon waking up was the harsh grainy surface of the table.

I had the worst coughing fit, I could barely breathe. My hands were grasped around my neck as if to pull at some invisible noose. For a minute I was scared I was gonna choke on my own spit.

I pulled myself up as soon as I managed to breathe normally, a small trail of spit and snot dangling from my mouth, like a snail's mucus. Ugh.

_I hope I didn't catch a cold._

I wiped it away with my arm, grimacing in disgust. I pulled out a tissue to clean it off of me, then tried to do the same with the table.

_Thank fuck no one's here to see this shit._

I stretched out, and couldn't hold back from yawning, although I hushed it with my hands.

_Man, I'm tired._

I kept falling asleep in the worst places. This wasn't even the first time I woke up somewhere unfamiliar. I couldn't remember exactly _when_ or _where_ it happened last time, but I knew it did.

_Whatever. It's time to go home._

Why did I even come here in the first place? I couldn't remember.

_I think I've been here before._

Well, no, I didn't think, actually. I... wasn't sure.

_Ah, it doesn't matter._

I stretched again, and got up, walking towards the exit, but I turned around before. Wasn't there someone...? Yes. Some guy was sitting on the opposite side of the pub. I wasn't sure why I hadn't noticed it before. Or had I?

I felt... confused. My head was starting to hurt. I didn't want to think about it too much.

Maybe I could ask him what time it was. I didn't want to, but it wasn't like there was anyone else to ask.

I walked up to him to inquire. He jumped in surprise, and I shook my head, smiling weakly.

“Uhhh, it's... it's almost closing time. It's 1:45”

_Shit, it's late._

I opened my mouth to comment on that, but stopped myself.

I tilted my head a bit. There was something about him. But I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

He surely seemed uncomfortable.

“Are you alright?” I asked, my voice still hoarse from the coughing.

“What? Y-yeah...I'm fine.”

It didn't look like it. But maybe it was none of my business, now, was it?

“I'm just waiting for my... friend.”

It didn't take much for said friend to make an appearance. He didn't seem thrilled to see me, even if he kept up the cheerful attitude.

“Ah, there's someone else here? Well, my name is Ren. It's nice to meet you”

“My name is Hyacinth. It's nice to meet you too!” I replied, somewhat tiredly.

“That's a really nice name...” was the other's comment.

I furrowed my brows.

_Huh... how odd._

It almost felt like I've had _the same exact conversation_ before.

I'd been avoiding alcohol, but maybe I could have one drink before leaving.

_Yeah, I should do that._

I couldn't explain it, but it kind of felt like the sort of thing to do.

Besides, just one drink wouldn't hurt.

 

* * *

 

I'd been wandering in the silence for what felt like an eternity.

I didn't know where I was. I didn't know how I came to be there.

Yet, I wasn't scared, nor confused.

I just kept moving forward, the water gently pulling at my calves, almost like a caress.

It wasn't cold.

_Something about a river..._

I didn't really feel like anything.

I wasn't tired, but a part of me wanted still to lay down and rest.

_It'd be so peaceful._

But I didn't. I had to keep going. I didn't know why, but it didn't matter.

_It's ok. I can just stay here._

The scenery never changed.

How long had I been there?

I didn't even remember how I came to be there.

_It doesn't matter._

I just kept walking.

“Please don't make this difficult. I already have enough work to do”

A white figure descended in front of me. He looked quite tired.

I didn't care.

I started to pick another direction, ignoring him, but everywhere I turned he was right in front of me.

I wasn't getting any closer to him, either, he just kept floating about at the same distance.

“There's nothing here. No way out” he insisted, “So just lie down”

I instinctively knew he was right.

It didn't matter.

I just kept moving.

He let out a loud sigh. “You're already expired. You're not allowed to stick here. Souls can rot too”.

I didn't listen.

“That's how monsters are born. Do you want that?”.

I didn't.

I took a step forward again.

_I just want to stay here. Just for a little longer._

He grimaced, muttering something about stubborness as he floated away.

I was alone again.

Then I felt a string around my neck. It tightened around me, it pulled on me as I tried to keep going, pulling me backwards into the water

I knew I should have felt scared, but I didn't.

I just floated there, carried by the current.

_Why am I here again...? Where had I been before. I think... it was important._

It didn't matter. I felt at peace.

It was beautiful.

 

* * *

 

 

I lifted my head. Everything was blurry around me. Just the faint outline of a dimly lit room.

I felt something dripping on my arms. I touched my face. I was... crying?

A deep sense of anguish overcame me.

_No..._

I wiped my tears away, clearing my view.

I was in some kind of pub. It was empty.

_No..._

Why was I there again?

I couldn't...remember.

I picked up my half-finished drink. Rum and coke. I didn't feel like it, but I gulped down what was left in the glass.

It tasted like nothing.

_I have to go._

I didn't remember how I came to be there, but it didn't matter. I didn't want to stay.

I got up and walked away.

I was just about to leave when I saw him.

_No._

I felt the strangest rush to get away from there even faster. My hand instinctively gripped on the door handle. My mind screamed at me to get out.

I didn't move.

_I have to._

I had to talk to him.

_NO._

I didn't know why. A part of me kept screaming at me to stay away, but I brushed it off.

It just... it felt like the thing to do.

My hand was clenched so hard on the handle my knuckles were turning white. I forced myself to relax it.

Maybe he would know-

 

* * *

 

“-what time it is?”

“Oh! Uhhh, it's... it's almost closing time. It's 1:45” the man said.

_Wow, it's_

 

* * *

 

“-really late”

“Haha...uh... yeah...” the man said, shifting uncomfortably “I'm just waiting for my... friend.”

_Friend? So there's-_

 

* * *

 

“-someone else here?”

I smiled at the newcomer. He looked pretty shocked to see me. He just stared at me at first, then he smiled too.

His name was-

 

* * *

 

“-Ren. It's nice to meet you”

I blinked a few times.

How odd. Didn't I talk to him before? But I had just met him.

_Deja vu._

That happened a lot, lately. Must have to do with the whole sleeping issue.

I closed my eyes and rubbed at my eyelids with the tip of my fingers.

Why did I come here again? I felt like I shouldn't be here. Like I should be...

_Somewhere else._

That also happened a lot, lately.

I wondered why.

“My name is...”

 

* * *

 

 

“Hyacinth?”

I grasp on the handle, my panicked breath growing more and more frantic.

It's not going to work. I know it's not going to

_It never does._

“Come out Hyacinth”

I start to shake. God, I don't want him to come in

I know what what's going to happen if he does.

_I know I know oh God now I know..._

But... if I come out.

_No no please he's gonna kill me he's gonna kill me please no no no no_

I can't... I can't give in. I know it's useless, I know it's just going to happen anyway, but I have to keep trying, I have to find some way to make it stop.

_He's going to do something awful to me again no no no please no_

My hand keeps shaking. I don't want to make him angry again. I don't want to. I should just open...

_I can't I can't, not again, please just wait, I don't want to die again we can wait it out please just a bit more just a bit_

I press my back against the door, sobbing silently. I can't hear him yet, but I know he's going to get pissed, I know he already is, and it's just going to be _worse._

And then the banging starts

_Please wait wait wait no wait!_

I can feel it as much as hear it, so loud it reverberates in my bones everytime he hits the door, again and again almost in tune with my frantic heartbeat.

_NO NO DON'T COME IN NO N_ _OT AGAIN NOT AGAIN I DON'T WANT TO DROWN AGAIN NO STOP STOP STOP!_

My body is shaking in fear, so hard I can barely tell it apart from the banging. I close my eyes, feeling the tears slide down towards my throat. I try to hold on but I know, I know I can't. Not forever.

_HE'S COMING HE'S COMING HE'S COMING_

I can _feel_ the hinges getting looser, they're about to come off. It's just a matter of seconds now.

And the worst thing is it doesn't matter, nothing I could do would matter, there is nothing I could try to escape, nothing I could say.

I can delay it, and _sometimes_ , if I am graced by the right inspiration, I can sometimes pick the least painful ordeal.

But it doesn't matter. It's all in vain. It's just going to keep happening, over, and over and _over._

I just am not going to realize that, not always, and not until it's too late.

And everytime... oh God I can feel it, everytime it's like there's less and less of me, coming back.

I don't even know how long it's been going on for.

_Please!_

I hold my breath.

_I can't! I can't do this!!!_

Just before he forces his way in, I swallow loudly, then cry:

“I'm... I'm coming out!”

I wait in silence, holding my breath. I hear him step away from the door. Not a word.

I slowly exhale. This is it.

Again.

I squeeze my eyes shut and open the door.

_Oh God please let it be quick..._

He doesn't come in. He's waiting for me.

He knows I don't have a choice. I wonder if he knows the full extent of it?

_Not that it matters._

I take a few steps outside, looking around, terrified.

Suddenly, he's up in front of me. I scream in fear.

Knowing doesn't change that.

He pins me to the wall, twisting my arm behind me. I clench my teeth as I moan in pain.

“L-Lawre-”

“Quiet” comes a deathly whisper, as he pushes me harder against the wall.

I wheeze in pain, he's pressing all the air out of my lungs with just his weight. I can barely breathe as I struggle uselessly. I can feel his breath in my neck, right next to my ear. It's... warm.

I would have expected it to be cold.

I close my eyes again, and stop moving. Holding onto the faint hope that maybe he will calm down, that maybe I will be forgiven and allowed to hold on for a bit longer.

He slowly pulls away, and I breathe in eagerly, but he knocks it out of me with sharp blow to my ribs.

I fall on the floor, curling up on myself to try and protect my organs. I look up and try to apologize, to beg for my life, to say anything, but I can barely manage to sob meekly.

“Heh...” he chuckles softly, then his whole body shakes silently, his lips twisting into a malicious grin.

“L-Lawrence?” I whisper, pleadingly.

He looks... different. Not in a good way. Something in the back of my mind recoils in horror.

_No no no no please STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP_

It's like... it's like everything around us has disappeared. I can't see anything but him. There is nothing, nothing but Lawrence.

And then he stops, and looks straight at me. And he _knows._

“Right, right, you're scared aren't you?” he says, and I _feel_ it, I feel it at the edge of my brain, as if he was creeping in, like a parasite.

And his eyes... his cold, unyelding eyes, the only thing I can't ever, ever forget, the only thing I'm always aware of, no matter how many times I come back to this, no matter how much everything else slowly blurs together, I can always, always remember his eyes and the way they pierce into me, right before the end.

And the way it makes me feel.

_Terrified._

_Trapped._

“Tied up like an animal” he continues, as if reading into my thoughts, as he keeps creeping closer. All I want is to scream at him to stop, but I can't.

“You don't want to die, do you?” his voice is inside of me again, his hand on my face, and my mind recoils in horror.

_no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no_

_no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no_

_no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no_

I shake my head. I want to move away from his touch, but I can't move a muscle. I'm paralyzed in fear. Everytime his eyes look upon mine again, it feels like my mind is pushed on the edge of breaking. Like encountering the gaze of an eldritch abomination.

“But everything dies” he says, almost soothingly, but there is a sadistic edge to it. Just like the faint sweetness of his smell, the revealing tinge of decay.

“I know you haven't seen the river.” he continues, his face twisted almost grotesquely, reminding me of something just at the corner of my mind, something that my memory refuses to fully recover, but that is always there at the edge “It's all right. I've seen it, and I'm still scared! Scared just like you! All the time.”

He pauses, his eyes piercing into me. I can barely breathe. I'm terrified that the smallest movement could set him off.

Yet, before I could stop myself, it slips past my lips.

“I have seen the river” I whimper.

He stops.

Everything stops.

His eyes grow wide, and his expression stumbles.

“What?” he whispers in disbelief. For a moment, he almost looks... lost.

I start shaking again, and look down.

_What are you doing!?_

Have... have I really?

I can feel the tears spill from my eyes again.

I've heard him mention the river before but now, now it's different. I can see it. I can picture it in my mind.

“I've... been there” I say, quietly, almost whispering.

What am I talking about? I have no memory of this, but... I know I'm not making it up.

“There was no colour...” I continue “There was no edge... no shore.”

I don't understand. Nothing of what I'm saying makes any sense. And yet...

_I... I think I remember..._

I don't understand, but I _know._

_It was the first time... the first time before I came back._

Like suddenly remembering a dream, once forgotten, it's trying to escape my grasp but I _have_ to tell him, I _have_ to remember.

His eyes are still staring at me as if he could bore into my soul, but it's different. I can feel it.

“It felt like nothing” I slowly raise my voice, not out of confidence, but out of desperation “It was... it was...”

“Like waking up?” he speaks again, looking away.

I raise my gaze again. He looks different from before. He almost looks... _lost._

“Yes” I reply. “Like... like waking up. Like the whole world and the people in it are just some nightmare”

Our eyes meet again and Lawrence...

He smiles.

A real smile.

“I didn't think...uhh...” he says, then he looks away, almost embarassed “There was anyone else...”

I'm shaking again, but not in fear. I finally understand.

“You're not alone” I tell him “...not any more”

“I used to... regret coming back. I didn't even mean to.” he explains. “I just wanted to stay there. But I accidentally...started dreaming again I guess”

Now I know why I kept coming back, again and again.

Why he kept chasing me.

He's just like me.

I smile back

“Maybe it won't be so bad this time...”

Because we both know the truth.

 

We both have each other now.

And the whole world dying around us.

**Author's Note:**

> Made for the LDF's 8th edition of the Maritombola, as a fill for Prompt 53 – “Niente di vero tranne gli occhi” (Nothing real but the eyes)
> 
> The idea was inspired by a dream I had (fittingly enough I can't remember most of it), and in part by the game Undertale (if you've seen playthroughs or played it yourself you'll know what I mean), but the basic concept is nothing groundbreaking (Groundhog Day is probably the most well-known example of media using a similar trope).
> 
> This is intentionally a VERY derivative fanfic. Parts of the dialogue are taken directly from the game. This is not meant to “steal” or take away from it, but because my intent was not to make a new story about the game and its setting as much as to make a story around it. Kind of in the vein of a fanfic remix.
> 
> PS: I know the name “Hyacinth” actually doesn't work for the “plant name easter egg” in-game, but I didn't feel like using Basil (the only plant-related male name I found to work).


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